Ash vs Ash vs The Army of Darkness
by C. Dawgz
Summary: Pretty much what it sounds like.


Ash Versus Ash Versus The Army Of Darkness

_Nothing like a nice, relaxing stroll on the beach, blasting bad guys with my boomstick. –Ash Williams_

_This…is… my BOOMSTICK! –Ash Williams_

Ashley Williams awoke sleepily, running a hand through her hair and trying to make some sense of the darkness she found herself in. It took her a moment to remember exactly where she was. _Oh yeah,_ she thought to herself, taking a glance to her right to see Commander Peter Shepard lying on his side, facing away from her. She'd fallen asleep hard after what they'd been up to a few hours ago. What time was it?

She pushed herself up to see over him, and noted from the clock next to his side of the bed that it was almost eleven o'clock in the morning. Damn. She nudged him gently. "Hey. Hey Skipper."

The Spectre groaned lethargically. "What?" he mumbled.

"We overslept a bit. It's almost eleven."

Startled, the skipper sat upright immediately. "The luncheon," he gasped as just how late they were dawned on him. He leapt out of hotel bed and drew the curtains to look down on the city of London.

"Yep," Ash replied sheepishly. "The luncheon. With the queen."

"_Damn it,_" he said. She could almost see the scowl on his face, though his back was turned. "You must have really tired me out," he said with a wolfish chuckle. He practically jumped out of bed, crouching over his suitcase and removing his formal uniform.

"Calm down, Skipper." Ash said with a laugh. "In the grand scheme of things, you're more famous anyway. She can do things on our timeline."

"She's the queen. Of England." Shepard replied incredulously, rapidly pulling up his pants.

"And you saved the galaxy. Three times." Shepard and Ash had been on a whirlwind tour of the galaxy, meeting with dignitaries who were finally willing to give the Spectre his due after he'd saved the galaxy once and for all, wiping out the Reapers in dark space

"She's the queen of England!" he said again, this time with frantic urgency in his voice.

"Don't worry about it, Shepard. This is the last one of these events on the tour. Then we'll get some time away from Captain Anderson and the entourage and have some time to ourselves."

He allowed himself to smile faintly as he feverishly buttoned his collar. Ash chuckled at her lover's antics. For an intergalactic savior, he was pretty goofy. She could barely contain her excitement. They just had to get through this luncheon and then they would be living large!

* * *

Ashley Williams awoke sleepily, running his armored prosthesis through his hair and trying to make some sense of the darkness he found himself in. It took him a moment to remember exactly where he was. "Oh yeah!" he remarked aloud, clambering to his feet. He remembered it all. The cabin, Professor Knowby's diary, cutting off his own hand…oh yeah, and the middle ages. Damn primitives. He smiled his winning Ash smile and brushed himself off. Time to dig himself out of this cave and get back to living his life.

He wondered how much time had elapsed in the present since his fateful trip to the cabin. Hell, the time he had arrived in might even be before the cabin. Could he warn himself not to go? Prevent this whole shebang from happening? Or would that not work, because he would never have gone back in time to warn himself in the-nevermind. He wouldn't warn himself. Too confusing. Ash's eyes adjusted to the darkness and he moved over towards where the mouth of the cave had been when last he'd been awake.

He began moving rocks, tossing them over his shoulder and continuing the arduous process of getting the hell out of here. Ash became aware that he had a hell of a beard going on, and decided to do something about. Setting aside the rocks temporarily, he walked back through the darkness to his trusted Oldsmobile. He popped the trunk and fumbled around in the blackness until he felt the familiar power tool in his hand. Ash lifted his weathered old chainsaw and pulled the chord, cackling as he did so.

The chainsaw sputtered once, and roared to life. "Wow," the man said to himself. "I really didn't think that'd work."

After a harrowing process only reasonable to a man who has been asleep in a cave for hundreds of years, Ash was satisfied with his shave. He went back into the trunk and found his most trusted friend, the 12 gauge, sawed-off Remington that had traversed the eons with him. He slipped it into its holster, which was strapped empty to his back. Time to get back to digging. Sooner or later, he'd get out of this cave, and then he'd be living large!


End file.
